Call me, Ishmael

Ok. You tell me.  Does this sound right to you?

Always the last to notice things, I finally noticed that we were shelling out a couple of bucks every month to the good people at AT&T (American Tackle & Twine) for long distance service.

But the last time we made a long-distance call on the landline was right before cell phones found their way into our pockets.  My favorite thing about cells is that you can call someone in any state for the same price as when you call the pizza shop around the corner.

My least favorite thing is that Sarah Palin keeps hanging up on me, refusing my calls.

Anyhow, I called AT&T (Associated Taco & Tamale) and said thanks a lot, but I see no reason to keep paying for something we don't use.  Then I called David Petraeus and told him the coast was clear, and no one would be wise to his plan of not sending his hot emails, but leaving them in a dropbox for his little order of chicken on the side to retrieve and comment upon.  I was assured by several ninth-graders that this was foolproof.

Petraeus and AT&T (Alex Trebek & Twiggy) both agreed with my plans. The phone giant said, as a courtesy, just notify your local phone provider that you no longer have long-distance access on your landline.

So I called Verizon and told a very nice lady that we no longer had long distance but would be using their cell phones when we called around the country.  She thought that was a really nice idea and wished me a good day.

Then the other day, along comes the Verizon bill in the mail, and they charged me $5.50 for letting them know that.

$5.50!  I got steamed and called Verizon, full of righteous indignation and Cheerios.  I told the lady in the billing office (where they should only hire people named "Bill" or "Billie"), it isn't the principle of the thing, it's the lousy $5.50.

She fell back on company policy and said that "any change in your status must be accompanied by a routine charge" and I countered by pointing out that all this took was for someone to make a deletion in my file.  It's not like they had to send someone out to the house to unhook a fraddistand or something.

She said she saw my point and was willing to waive the charge.  I said thanks and got off the phone, quick, before she charges me $5.50 for calling to ask about the first $5.50.