Béisbol

 Ah! Baseball is in the air, with spring training going on. In the day, ballplayers had to have off-season jobs, selling used cars or men's suits at Robert Hall or teaching history, and then they would show up in Florida needing to sweat off the suet they had packed on at countless Cub Scout Blue And Gold banquets.

Today's ballplayers don't need extra income, and if they do need a quick buck, they can turn some by scribbling their signature on photos, bats, and balls.

Spring training now is not what it was in the 1950s. And neither is the USA's relationship with our neighbors south of Florida, the exotic island, Cuba. Until their 1959 revolution, which overthrew the dictatorship of Fulgencio Batista, Cuba was a vacation destination for Americans, and ballclubs would jot down there for exhibition games.

There was that odd period just after Batista had been deposed...American teams were still going to Havana, but the revolutionaries came to the stadiums. 

And so it was, in 1959, that the Los Angeles Dodgers flew the 90 miles south to play the Cincinnati Reds..blue and white meeting red and white, with green-clad army guys ready to pose. Revolutionary leader Fidel Castro loved baseball and bragged that he was being scouted to play in the majors...which was more brag than fact.*

But what's a revolution without photo opportunities, so genial Reds outfielder Pete Whisenant gladly posed for a display of mixed weaponry...

It must have been hot that day. Pete looks totally baked.

* extra credit question: can you name a young man from Queens who played for his prep school team, became a flamboyant real estate mogul, and later served as president of the US, all while claiming to have been the #1 sandlot player in all of New York? https://slate.com/culture/2020/05/donald-trump-baseball-high-school-nyma.html

Half a Rock

 I freely admit, when Kid Rock came along in the early '00s, I thought his music was good. I like innovative music. Mr. Rock brought country music to hip-hop and tossed hard rock into the salad, and the mix was good. 

Even when his image came into sharper focus, and what seemed to be a scruffy street kid was revealed to be the son of a major auto dealer from Michigan, he still seemed cool for a while, but as the years went by, he turned into an unbearably hostile man, shouting more invective than lyrics.

He sings of lusting after young girls, he spews homophobia, and he generally acts like a maladjusted idiot.

All across the world, people seem to be so starved for entertainment that, if the real entertainers are not available due to old age, infirmity, or incarceration, imitators take the stage and hobble their way through impersonations of people most people already forgot.

It reminds me of The Simpsons episode in which Krusty opens a third-rate camp and, instead of serving gruel to the kids, he doles out Krusty BrandⓇ Imitation Gruel.

So, naturally, there's a Kid Rock tribute performer. 

If you’re interested in having this performer work his magic at your saloon, I'm sure he's available any night but May 16.

For a swim

If you ever want to get a lot of opinions churning in the air, here’s a topic that will get things going. It's more controversial than regular vs. decaf, vanilla vs. chocolate, grits vs. Home fries, and "versus" vs "verse," which is particularly concerning to me.

The topic is anchovies. To the bewilderment of all, Peggy and I both love those salty little fish. Pizza chefs and servers always give us the fisheye when we order one with extra cheese, sausage, and anchovies. Servers have even told us that the kitchen crew gives them a hard time for turning in an order for that tasty pie.

And many restaurants will offer a salad with Caesar dressing, but they durst not call it a Caesar salad (more in a minute). And if you ask for anchovies, they act like you requested 14 "carrot" gold flakes on your salad. 

To make a proper salad, you need romaine lettuce, croutons, and a rich dressing, which would contain olive oil, raw egg, Parmesan cheese, Worcestershire sauce, and a dash of lemon juice.

And, for pity's sake, give anchovies a try next time you strap on a salad feedbag. Attempting to cajole a friend into signing up for the We ❤️ Anchovies club, I told him I like to arrange 4 or 5 of them on top of a salad in such a pattern that suggests an entire school of them swimming in a hurry to join the lettuce, tomatoes, cheese and dressing in my bowl.

At least, he said he'd think about it! 

Sounds like...

 Right out of nowhere, someone used the word "quisling" the other day, which might have sent some readers to their Funkin' Wagnalls dictionary to see what it means.

Ok, full disclosure,  the someone was I, and full explanation, a quisling is a word used for someone we who betrays their country and their fellow citizens. The eponym salutes, or, more appropriately, damns, the name of the leader of Norway in World War II, Vidkun Quisling, who collaborated with the Nazis even as his country fought them.

Funny thing about eponyms, which is what we call it when a name becomes a noun. Sometimes it just fits! Imagine if the guy who invented a tool for loosening nuts was named Harry Wrench! Or if the first person ever to heap lettuce, tomatoes, and whatnot was Susan Salad!

That's how life works. Some words are just ugly-sounding ..."cancer"..."agony"..."school shooting"..."quisling."

It's also remarkable when an ugly soul has an ugly name.

A quisling if ever there was one.

Sunday Rerun: Vacation, all I ever wanted

  I don't know much about current music, but I know Olivia Rodrigo is popular in that field, so good for her. She's a strong, smart woman at 21, and I was thoroughly impressed to read that she has a question she always asks guys on a first date.

Here's the question:  “I always ask them if they would want to go to space.”

Warning to potential Olivia daters: give the wrong answer, and there is no second date.

Hint to potential Olivia daters:  “And if they say yes, I don’t date them.”

And I love her explanation:  “I just think if you want to go to space, you’re a little too full of yourself.” 

It's rare to find a young person whose attitude matches mine perfectly, but really, she does in this case. For all I know, that's all we have in common, philosophically.

This is just my thinking, and yours is probably different, but there is a lot to see and do here on what we still call Earth. There are sights to look at and music to hear and art to appreciate and food to taste and the lovely aroma of cheese bread baking. None of these treats are available in space, except for the music, if you take your MP3 player. 

I understand it makes me an outlier or even an outcast, but as far back as I can remember, I didn't see the point of men walking on the moon while women were back here doing worthwhile things. You go to the moon, you get moon rocks, but if you go to the beach here, you get rocks tumbled to pretty perfection over the years in Davy Jones's locker AND you get some of the greatest pizza in this world, and a chance to get a nice tan. 

And the trip home from the moon? Not a WaWa in sight, so you just have to hold it til you get back.

Go ahead, go to the moon. Olivia and I will miss you a lot.

The Saturday Picture Show, March 1, 2025

 

Everyone knows you can get wet while surfing. Apparently, you can get splattered on as well.

This is the part of a day at the beach when all the parents are hollering that it's time to pack up.

I'm hoping for one more snow this winter. It's only March!

I always will.

I wish more people would read and follow these words.
Red shed, red pickup, blue water.

It's almost cherry blossom time in DC!

For your spring dessert offerings, we bring you the basis for the Bart Simpson shortcake.

You see, children, before we started hanging TVs on the walls, we sat them on tables, which are now for sale at Goodwill.

We're over the hump of winter now! Meteorological spring starts today!

Yellow Tango

Someone mismentioned the drowsy rock band "Yo Le Tango" and their song "Autumn Sweater." An interesting story, with a correction...

The correction: the band is named Yo La Tengo. That's Spanish for "I have it." "Yo La Tengo" took their name from a famous baseball anecdote. The 1962 expansion NY Mets had timeworn center fielder Richie Ashburn and young Venezuelan shortstop Elio Chacón in their comically inept lineup. That team compiled an amazing record, winning 40 games, tieing one, and losing 120 games. Last season's Chicago White Sox came close to equalling the futility of the '62 Mets, but accidentally won 41 games, losing 121.

Early in that '62 season, Ashburn and Chacón collided in the outfield as both were trying to catch a pop fly. Baseball tradition calls for the guy with the best angle on the ball to holler, "I got it!" as a sign to others to back off. Ashburn had done just that, but Chacón, who spoke only Spanish, had not the slightest idea what he was saying.

Of course, the moment lives on in photos. 

 

The Mets deemed it most propitious to teach a quick Spanish lesson to Ashburn, so he learned to yell "Yo la tengo" when camping out under a popup. And it worked well, until the day left fielder Frank Thomas, unschooled in Spanish, flattened Elio as he chased a fly and didn't recognize the phrase Chacón screamed. 

As Thomas stood up, gathering his cap, glove, and dignity, he turned to ask Ashburn, "What the hell is a 'yellow tango' ?"

We baseball fans have long memories, and so in 1984, when Ira Kaplan and Georgia Hubley decided to call their band Yo La Tengo, we wondered what took so long.

Yo La Tengo, the band. Gloria gets extra credit for wearing Jack Purcells.