Attention Shoppers!

I will admit, there were times when the contents of my wallet (and coin holder) made a KMart sub seem like the best choice for dinner. 

If you remember them, they were not deluxe.  A sort of spongy long white roll stuffed with Genoa salami, bologna, honey ham, American cheese, ultra-thin tomato slices, shredded lettuce, sliced onion, banana peppers and dill pickle chips, wrapped in Saran Wrap since they were made at (I guess) 5 AM. 

They were best served with a bag o' chips and a Slush Puppie (a fake Slurpee) and I guess they cost about $2.99, so like I say, the price was right.

And now I am seeing pictures from various parts of our great nation, and delis and bakeries are featuring KMart throwback subs.

That's not the worst thing from the 70's to bring back, so go on, try one, and look for a flashing blue light! 

 

Fact known by few

 This is a fact known by few! Do you know Rachel Scott, the marvelous ABC news reporter? She's on TV most every night and she works hard to help us understand what goes on in Washington, DC.

Years ago, she was brand new to national news and was covering one of those early presidential primaries in an ice-cold state. She mentioned on Instagram that she was freezing under her top coat and I mentioned that she ought to look into purchasing a down vest. Being a California native, she had no idea such a thing existed, but I don't think she's been that cold ever since then. Down is marvelous for keeping warm. Ask any goose!

The happy couple, Rachel with husband Elliott Smith!

But that's not the fact known by few, and you will be among the few soon. Rachel got married earlier this month, and I read the wedding story in the New York Times because I am a romantic at heart. The article talked about her lovely trousseau, which included no down garments, and all the fun she and her new husband and their friends and family had, and that crowd included singer Gene Chandler, who is her grandfather.

The happy grandpa

You cannot have listened to an oldies station for five minutes without hearing his big hit "Duke of Earl," a huge hit in 1961 that really sets the mood in a lot of movies about the good old days, and I wish they were back. Gene really did it up fancy back then! He would come out on stage with a top hat and fancy cane and cape, as any proper duke would.

I like knowing that Shirley MacLaine and Warren Beatty are brother and sister, and that Peter Graves and James Arness were brother and brother, and that Keisha Lance Bottoms, former mayor of Atlanta and advisor to President Biden, is the daughter of Major Lance, whose hit songs included "The Monkey Time" and "Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um".

But being the granddaughter of a duke confers a certain status on Rachel, who is a  royally wonderful reporter and seems to be a very good person as well. Congratulations to her and her husband! 

Sunday Rerun: "He had two brothers: Jimbo and Placebo"

 I don't know why, but I thought today to tell you about a product that made a huge impact on America in the late 1940s - early 1950s.

It was called "Hadacol," and it was sold as medicine, to people who were easily taken in by loud rallies with bright colors, cacophonous music, and a parade of famous people.

I've never lived in another country. I wonder if it's a worldwide trait, that people will believe anything if enough singers and actors tell them to.

Hadacol was whipped up by Dudley J. LeBlanc, a colorful Louisiana state senator and businessman who had received vitamin treatment from his doctor for a foot problem. He figured that by mixing five vitamins and four minerals in a solution of 12% alcohol "as a preservative," it would sell like, well, like alcohol, especially in the dry counties where the sale of booze is limited by law to the town bootlegger and his cousins, the mayor and the chief of police.

A masterful promoter can sell bad things to good people, and that's what LeBlanc was. He used to sell a headache remedy called Happy Day, which was shut down, along with his other product Dixie Dew Cough Syrup, by the Food and Drug Admin. on some very unhappy day for him. So he took the "HA" and the "DA" from that product, "CO" for "company," and "L" for LeBlanc, to name his new elixir.

Always the wit, LeBlanc, when asked about the name, would come back with, "Well, I hadda' call it something!"  And when Groucho Marx asked him what Hadacol was good for, LeBlanc said, "Last year, for me, it was good for about five million dollars."

Hank and Audrey

LeBlanc hired major stars to go on the road with a real medicine show to sell this spurious product, and sponsored a radio show called "The Health and Happiness Hour," starring Hank Williams, Sr, to convince the easily duped that Hadacol would cure high blood pressure, ulcers, strokes, asthma, arthritis, diabetes, pneumonia, anemia, cancer, epilepsy, gall stones, heart trouble and hay fever.  Check out the video that goes with this recording of Hank's insufferable, atonal wife Audrey singing "What Put The Pep in Grandma?" to see the advertising.

But when the FDA got involved and spread the word about foul-tasting Hadacol being nothing but a placebo, and when the American Medical Association came out with this: "It is hoped that no doctor will be uncritical enough to join in the promotion of Hadacol. It is difficult to imagine how one could do himself or his profession greater harm from the standpoint of the abuse of the trust of a patient suffering from any condition. Hadacol is not a specific medication. It is not even a specific preventive measure," the Hadacol fad faded faster than the Macarena, Livestrong bracelets and FarmVille, and people had to look for other ways to introduce C9H16O2 * into their bloodstream.

Of course, this was long ago in an America before we learned to read and discern good from bad for ourselves, when movie stars could fool us into spending good money to get a temporary high that really cured nothing.

Loud assemblages with blaring bands and a yelping, caterwauling master of ceremonies could never sell us something that was really bad for us today, that's for sure.

* whisky

The Saturday Picture Show, September 27, 2025

 

This is a giant leafsucker car from British Railways that clears the path for the oncoming train from London to Leeds.

Remember, this person had to swerve to avoid crocodiles where she used to live, and now Baltimore traffic terrifies her.

Give me a nice winesap apple and my hiking stick and let me at this trail!

J.D. Salinger served in World War II in the Army. Being fluent in French and German, he served in the Counter Intelligence Corps (CIC), grilling prisoners of war and ascertaining valuable information for our side.  A member of the 4th Infantry Division, he landed at Utah Beach on D-Day and fought in the Battle of the Bulge (considered by many to be the most savage and deadly fight in the war) and then he participated in the liberation of the Kaufering IV concentration camp. What he saw and suffered from formed the mordant sense with which he imbued Holden Caulfield and many other fiction characters. If he were still alive, I'd love to see someone tell him that fighting fascists is a bad thing.

The two old crows are biting each other's heads off in search of some seed, and there's probably a whole lot more on the ground, but they're gonna fight.

This is a photo of a flashlight beam on a foggy night!

I have never seen this much gold in one woods at once. Just so pretty!

We can't tell if the painter had a real house to depict or if this all came from his imagination. All alone on the prairie, we know that much.

A man drew this, but it's more than it appears to be at first - this hand drawing, drawn by hand, comprises 53,000 tiny circles.

Looks like another rapture came and went and we're all still here. There's always a next time!

What's your rush?

 Last week, I had to drive down to the southeast part of our sprawling county, and I drove down the I-695 Superslab beltway before getting on frantic Merritt Blvd, which is sort of like the beltway, but with traffic signals. 

When I worked, I was down in that part of town almost every day, and I never minded the traffic. I have to say, even admitting that I  a) am old and c) don't drive highways so much, that people drive like they are x) blind, y) drunk, and z) crazy.

And I'm not just talking about the speed at which they career down the roads. The old rules about merging onto a highway are null and void, it would seem. It's the old "get outta my way" driving that's in vogue now.  Just about every car or truck is zooming as if they were filming a Buick commercial on a deserted road at 3 am.

It's selfish driving, is what it is, and Maryland has decided, if you're going to speed like that, you're going to pay for the cost of replacing the road signs and median barriers you wreck. They're adding a tiered fine system, so if you decide to exceed the speed limit by 40 mph, you're going to shell out 425 clams in fines.  

I hope it's worth it!

You're out! Maybe.

Here we are, sitting firmly in 2025, and from here, we can already hear the hooting and hollering from 2026.  And here is why...

Robbie the Robot is coming to major league baseball. They are going to have robot umpires checking over the balls and strikes starting next year. But it's not like the umps will be replaced by a laser eye. For now, there will be a challenge system, in which batters, pitchers, and catchers can ask the umpire if he* is, in fact, vision-challenged, and ask the robot to check that last called strike.

The nitty-gritty: each team gets two challenges to start. To challenge a call, a player will signal his disapproval by tapping his cap or helmet, triggering a review. If the player is right, his team retains the challenge; if the call stands, they lose one of their challenges. Each team will get a new challenge in each extra inning if they don't have one remaining.

The baseball bigshots tried a fully automated balls-and-strikes in the minor leagues, but fan feedback indicated that people would rather holler at a human than at a computer, so they went this way. 

If only Earl Weaver were still around to kick dirt on the robot....

* for now!  

Mr. Bigdome will see you now

Granted, the economy in the US is slowing down, and businesses are not hiring all that many people (but our local Popeye's seems to need someone "with great people skills" to take people's moolah and hand over chicken boxes) so maybe this is a good time to tell young people (we love 'em!) a little advice on what NOT to take to a job interview.

It's a long list. Ready?

1. Your parents. 

Bring your resume, your bright, shiny face, your ID, your pen, some answers to the inevitable queries about what you could bring to North American Halibut or where you see yourself in ten years, a good book (no John Grisham) in case you wind up waiting to be seen, and your Purell.

Bring neither of the people who gave you life. Sure, they can give you a ride, but they have to stay in the car for the interview.

ResumeTemplates.com surveyed 1500 Gen Z-ers (those lucky enough to be born between 1997 and 2012) and one in four of them brought a parent to a job interview in the past year.

The same percentage admit to having parents fill out and submit job applications for them.

You'll excuse my fuddy-duddery while I remind one and all that there comes a time to let Junior and Missy navigate the stream of life on their own.

I should have seen this trend coming, the day the mother of a probationary employee called me to find out why her darling boy had been counseled about his annoying habit of showing up late for work.

Talk about a short conversation! 

Travel Day?

I'm writing this yesterday afternoon (that's next Wednesday morning in you're in New Guinea) so I don't know yet if the Ravens won last night, or if there's a Rapture happening today.

In case you hadn't heard, many predictions are calling for the end of the world today...at least, according to experts posting on TikTok and X.

I've been around a while, and I recall the great Mesoamerican apocalypse of 2012 never taking place as predicted, and the pre-internet rampancy of rumors in 1966 about spacecrafts landing on earth to take away everyone under 21 for a period of peaceful re-education before bringing us back to a peaceful Nirvana never happened either. As far as I know, that is...

In the views of believers, "the rapture" is the beginning of "tribulations" on Earth, a time of suffering and chaos for those who didn't believe and subsequently were not invited to heaven.  I fully expect to be on the list, even if there's an asterisk next to my name.*

Word is that some people, in their haste to get away, have updated their wills, given away property, returned auto license tags to the Motor Vehicle Administration, and told the dry cleaner not to worry about getting that salad dressing stain out of their blue pinstripe suit. In case you have any frozen filet mignons or shrimp you're looking to get rid off, just leave them in a neat pile on my porch. 

See ya when ya get back!

Praemonitus, praemunitus

Heartbreaking, bitter tragedy up in Harford County last week as a 16-year-old girl was killed in a crash involving a school bus. Her name was Blake Elliott. She and her boyfriend, Zach Griffin, had just left C. Milton Wright High School and were on the way home in his car, waiting to turn onto Crescent Knoll Drive, at which point another car rammed into Zach's car from behind, pushing them into the path of an oncoming school bus.

Blake died from her trauma; Zach was critically injured and is still in the hospital.

At a vigil on the school grounds Friday night, Blake's cousin said, "The loss has taken a toll on everyone who loved her. It has reminded us how quick things can change." 

All of the students at "C. Milton," as the school is called, now know of the horrible swiftness of finality. Chances are Zach and Blake got in the car, listened to favorite songs, talked about a dance coming up, or SATs, or some homework. 

Those things seemed mighty important until that car came up on them...

Then they were not that important at all. 

Those of us who've been around a few decades know better than to forget how quickly this big ball of yarns we call "life" can unravel. Somehow, we need to impress upon those young people to remember that every time they see someone, it might be the last time. Every time they count on "see ya soon" coming true, that's a gamble.

George Bernard Shaw said, “Youth is the most precious thing in life; it is too bad it has to be wasted on young folks.” I don't think it's a waste at all. They are the ones still physically capable of jumping across brooks and streams and emotionally capable of falling in love every day. I say, let them enjoy being young while we enjoy remembering being young.

It's just that, every once in a while, we need to share stories like this, and if it sticks somewhere in the back of their minds, so much the better. 

Praemonitus, praemunitus. Forewarned is forearmed. 

Sunday Rerun: Noodle it out

 Baltimore was home to Gino's, a popular hamburger stand chain founded by the great Baltimore Colt defensive end Gino Marchetti.  At their peak around here, they were more popular than McDonald's, because their food tasted better!

Nevertheless, it was still fast food, and it did give rise to a popular joke about taking a date "to an Italian restaurant and going to Gino's." Gino was of Italian ancestry, but he was born in West Virginia, so he was not really an Italian by birth.

That's the crux of a dumb lawsuit now oozing its way through a California courtroom. The good people at Barilla pasta are being sued for allegedly misleading American pastagobblers with fake ads purporting that their noodles are made in Italy.

The suit was brought by Matthew Sinatro and Jessica Prost, who claim that they were fooled by the slogan "Italy's #1 Brand of Pasta" on the pasta packaging.

So, you're in the Try 'N' Shop and you pick up some Barilla pasta - angel hair, fusilli, bowtie, whatever, and you see the green/white/red Italian flags on the box, does that make you think that the noodles came over here on a boat or something? Ok, most of their products are made in Iowa (primo wheat country!) and New York.  What's the problem?

 

Sinatro and Prost put forth the argument that were hornswoggled by "false advertising" and deceptive marketing.  Between them, they spent $6 on Barilla past (Sinatro bought a box of angel hair in San Francisco and Prost went for two boxes of spaghetti in Los Angeles) and they aver that they never would have spent that kingly sum had they only known that they were getting American pasta and not genuine Italian.

"[C]onsumers willingly pay more for Italian sounding and/or looking products," and Barilla leveraged the implied connection to Italy "[i]n an effort to increase profits and to obtain an unfair competitive advantage," the suit states.

Just look at Barilla's website if the hometown of your pasta is such a big deal: "Barilla Pasta that is sold in the United States is made in our plants in Ames, IA and Avon, NY, with a few exceptions. Barilla Tortellini and Barilla Oven Ready Lasagne are made in Italy."

Read further, and you will see that the US manufacturers use the same recipes as do the noodlemakers of Parma, Italy, and on the same type of machines.

Barilla filed for dismissal of the case, on the grounds that Sinatro and Prost couldn't prove financial harm. Yes, they spent six bucks, but they did have dinner with what they bought, right? A judge rejected the request for dismissal last week, though.

In other news, I want my money back for every Belgian waffle, order of French Fries, Chinese dumpling, Fuji apple, Korean barbecue, and Hungarian goulash I've ever had.

I feel abused, and only money can make me feel better. Get me a lawyer.

 

 

The Saturday Picture Show, September 20, 2025

 

The pot of gold is right behind that white cow (the one that gives white homogenized milk and vanilla ice cream!)

Time for the Canada Geese to head for their vacation condos down South. They usually lay over for an hour or two every afternoon around Loch Raven Reservoir. You can visit them while you're heading up to Jarrettsville to see the sunflowers. Fall is coming!

If you need a spooky background for your Halloween party, you can't beat this!

It's not the size of the boat, it's how much fun the skipper has! 

I'm not planning to take my Last Ride in a hearse, but if I were, this would fit with my vow to always leave them laughing!

This is called Dragon Rock in Sinai, Egypt. Can someone tell me about it, please?

This lady said her mom was 80 and had never been to a seaside beach. Well done! Have fin! (Get it?)

It's a Grow-One-Get One Free squash deal. I don't care for squash so much, but maybe you do...

This is Travis The "K," and I see from this style leader that the cool guys are still wearing their suits too small.

On the other hand, some are wearing their hats too big. Must be the style.

Gourd head

It's time for pumpkin spice everything, and shellacked gourds on porches and dining room tables. 

Yes, autumn starts Monday, and out come the pumpkins, squash and gourds. Fun fact: technically, they're all technically the same species.

That zucchini that fries up so nicely is a close relative of the Jack O' Lantern that invites trick-or-treaters to your door are basically the same: They're Cucurbita pepo, a species that traces its origins back to 10,000 years ago in Mexico, originated in Mexico more than 10,000 years ago.  Since then, farmers have cultivated them and grafted other plants onto them to develop the many "cultivars" that grace our roadside stands and produce aisles today.

Something else that's been confusing for 10,000 years: if people want their coffee to taste like pumpkin, why not just get a can of pumpkin and stir it into that mocha java along with some cinnamon and nutmeg? As a tea drinker, I can understand not wanting coffee to taste like coffee.

Getcha socks on!

According to the Washington POST, people who have trouble getting to sleep and staying there are cold-footed, and need to heat up those dogs!

Those in the know say that warming the extremities before dozing off is the key.  

“It’s a natural sleep medication,” said William Wisden, a professor at Imperial College in London. Professor Wisden studies how nerve cells signal sleep. One wonders if he uses his students as test subjects if they nod off during lectures...

But he goes on to say that animals, which we are, after all, like to "nest" to get ready for a long winter's nap. That creates a warm microenvironment around our bodies. You could curl up, wrap yourself in a snuggy blanket or fuzzy socks or turn the blanket up to "igloo" as well.

Wisden's wisdom:

• Take a warm bath or shower.
• Do a quick foot soak in warm water.
• Wear socks to sleep.

Sleep well!

Breakin' the law

 Years ago, when Comcast was running cable lines to some new houses down the street, the guy two doors down (who later achieved local renown for throwing his son's PC through the window when the pre-teen failed to shut it down one night) brandished his police revolver (Baltimore PD) and refused to let the workers work. After a testy colloquy involving city police, county police, and Comcast supervisors, the work continued. 

It always does.

I was reminded of that when I saw a guy on Instagram standing in his yard, garden hose in hand, gleefully spraying a work crew while they tried to install a sidewalk utility box. 

Same result. 

Around the corner from here, developers bought a wooded area that connected to a main street and a side street some time back. They got the necessary approvals and were breaking ground to build a dozen or so houses when a citizen, to wit, a schoolteacher, came out of his house and fired gunshots at the Bulldozers.

Guess how that turned out.

And no listing of foolishness would be complete without recounting the time the governor of Florida found it necessary, as a hurricane bore down on The Sunshine State, to remind Florida Men that stepping outside and shooting a shotgun at it would not halt its crazy career.

Well, hot a-mighty!

Born To Be....

I found an autobiography online, so I'm gnawing my way through it, a few pages at a time. It's "Magic Carpet Ride : The Autobiography of John Kay and Steppenwolf" by the leader of Steppenwolf, widely regarded as the first heavy metal band for their first big hit "Born To Be Wild" ("I like smoke and lightning, heavy metal thunder, racin' with the wind...")

Kay was born Joachim Fritz Krauledat in 1944 in the land then known as Tilsit, East Prussia, Germany (it's now Sovetsk, Kaliningrad Oblast, Russia.) In his early days, it was just he and his mother; his father, Fritz, died in World War II combat a month before Joachim was born.

His mother took the baby in early 1945 to escape wartime conditions, and they eventually made their way in 1949 to Hanover, West Germany, where he grew to learn English and love American rock and roll.

Their next stop as refugees was Toronto, Canada (1958) where the teachers could not pronounce his name and began to refer to him as "John K." 1963 saw him and his mother move to Buffalo and become American citizens. A couple of years later, John got his first piece of US Mail - from the draft board.

Something I did not know was that John Kay, composer and performer of many great songs, is legally blind. The draft board ruled him 4-F (medically ineligible) because he has achromatopsia. From birth, he has been extremely sensitive to light and legally blind, as well as colorblind. He mentions in the book that he loves to have his house decorated up for Christmas, but had never seen all those pretty decorations and lights in anything but black and white.

...hence the dark glasses

And that was the reason his mother took him halfway around the world as a kid, to avail themselves of Western medical care and better nutrition, which doctors advised her to find for Joachim.

Just think: one of our favorite performers started off as part of the huddled masses yearning to breathe free! What a story.

 

Color Us Fans

 I love colors of sports uniforms and fall leaves and the bright plumage of birds. Oddly enough, I love old movies and TV shows in black-and-white. They let us dream about what colors Miss Landers (the teacher on "Leave It To Beaver") wore that night when she came over for a cookout, and we were startled to see Lucille Ball's red red hair in the movie "The Long Long Trailer," because as Lucy Ricardo, you couldn't tell the difference between her hair or Ethel Mertz's.  Or Fred's, for that matter.

We see the Ravens' purple looking great on color TV and at the football palace downtown. If you wonder what those colors really are, you can Google the exact color code for each team.

(I saw a sign on a hardware store once that said "No man can buy custom color paint without a note from his wife. It's just like the combinations of colors on the paint machine at Lowe's. Just by putting the right numbers in your computer, you can "mix" custom colors and make your wallpaper the same shade as Lamar's jersey.)

By the way, we call them The Purple And Black, but the Ravens' "purple" is really  Persian Indigo (#241075), and it's augmented by University Of California Gold (#BC9428), NCS Red (#C8032B), White (#FFFFFF) and Black (#000000).

Over in the land of 10,000 lakes, the Minnesota Vikings dress in KSU Purple (first used by Kansas State University #4F2185), Philippine Yellow (#FFC704), and Crayola's Gold (#EABF99).

And please don't make the mistake of saying the Baltimore Orioles dress in orange! It's Sinopia, if you please (#DF4400), White (#FFFFFF), Black (#000000) and Philippine Silver (#B5B6B8).

We have a car whose color is officially known as "Hot Lava." It's a distant cousin to Sinopia.

I think I have a Cousin Sinopia, too!
 

Sunday Rerun: With a name like Smucker's...

 While a lot of people skip lunch altogether, many of us still tie on the noon feedbag every day. Gigantic heaping deli sandwiches, tureens of soup, pizza by the slice, salads, wraps, tacos, quinoa bowls, the list goes on...

I hardly eat any lunch at all, but if I want something while the noon news unravels, I'll get a slice or two of that flourless bread, schmear Skippy and Smucker's Sugar-free raspberry preserves all over everything, and go to town. 

(I don't literally go to town. Town has nothing I need.)

Yes, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are nothing to look down the end of your nose at, now that the mercilessly well-conditioned athletes of the NFL are gobbling 80,000 Uncrustables per week.

In simpler terms, that's equivalent to the weight of three Travis Kelces, who is known to slide Uncrustables down his neck daily.

I've never had one. I'm not out there doing NFL drills every day, so I have time to make my own Sammies.

But in order to keep the hungry maws of both the NFL and the elementary schools of the nation, the J.M. Smucker Co. just built a 900,000-square-foot Uncrustables sandwich manufacturing facility in McCalla, Alabama.

Big sandwich factory 

Smucker introduced the idea of prepackaged sandwiches in 1998 to meet the needs of the many who lack the time to spread PB and J on bread.

Try this toasted!

The Saturday Picture Show, September 13, 2025

 

There's a documentary coming out soon about the great John Candy. Someone found a 1986 Chrysler LeBaron and togged it out to look just like the one John and Steve Martin were riding in in "Planes, Trains, and Automobiles." Ryan Reynolds showed up at the premiere, driving the car. I can only hope he was listening to "Mess Around" by Ray Charles.

Yes, Neitokainen (it's actually a pond) is in the exact shape of the country it resides in. How do you say "Really Cool" in Finnish? 

It's a possum saying, "Snap the picture now while the moon's right behind me!"

And that would be a whale skeleton on the side of the hill. My guess is that the whale went over the hill for supplies, and then the tide went out, and he was left behind.

So you're looking for four-leaf clovers, and you come up with a fiver. 

You've seen those memes where people with mock sympathy say they are playing the world's tiniest violin...here's the world's largest. It's in Sydney, Nova Scotia.

Somewhere, they are recreating the good old days of elopement at a town festival. The woman playing the bride has the added challenge of walking a tightrope to get to her intended, who's playing a cello. There's a lot of symbolism in this picture, but we don't do symbolism, because who knows what to stand for?

Thought I'd get a picture of a covered bridge before everyone starts posting the ones where the leaves are changing. These were built with roofs to make the bridges last longer in bad weather.

Look closer. please! This is a diorama of a bridge culvert, replete with graffiti, but the whole thing is inside a cut-away spray can!

He wants to take a picture of himself playing with your camera, but he needs the camera to do it. Hmmm.

Fun Fact Time

The map below shows what you would have if you made a Casserole of Many Nations using Australia as a base. Not answered is the question, Why would you want to do that? You would want to do that to prove that Australia is wider than the moon.

 Mr Moon sits up there, 2112 miles wide. Australia is 2485 miles wide. You can verify this tonight by looking up in the sky after dinner. Measure the moon by sighting it between your thumb and forefinger, and then come back inside and measure the gap 'tween thumb and pointer. 2112 miles, right there.

Now, Australia is flat. A lot of people will try to tell you that Earth is flat, but it's spherical. Its continents are flat as a kitchen table, yet they spin on a giant beach ball. How can this be? Discuss.

One of you dear readers must have a son or daughter studying geometry. Maybe you are that student! Can you tell us the surface area of the moon?

This is part of my continuing series called "Learning Never Ends." I sent for a banner to hang up with that slogan, but they misspelled it. It says, "Leering Never Ends."

That's one way of looking at it!