Junk has been piling up in the basement, and it seems certain that the kids are no longer going to be able to wear any of the clothes they wore to third grade, now that they're in seventh. The old VCR is not getting much use, the one Rock 'em Sock 'em Robots robot lost his head in heated combat in 1967, and the rolled-up Bay City Rollers posters haven't seen the light of day for many an S-A-T-U-R DAY!
So it's time for a Yard Sale. They are great and an excellent way to find amazing bargains at low-low prices. Had it not been for a yard sale I chanced upon down near the mall one long-ago Saturday, I would not today be the proud second owner of a copy of a "Bing Sings While Bregman Swings" phonograph album, and then I wouldn't have known the glory of hearing der Bingle boo-boo-boo his way through "Jeeper Creepers," "Nice Work If You Can Get It" and "They All Laughed." Not to mention the amazing "Mountain Greenery."
I just mentioned it, didn't I?
I got that album for a dollar. But that happened because I just happened to drive up on the yard sale that sunny Saturday. And boy were they mad that I drove up on it, preferring that I park on the sidewalk.
But if they wanted to draw a bigger crowd, they would have needed to advertise. Not by buying spots in the Super Bowl, or even on local tv or radio. Most yard sales are advertised on homemade signs that are stapled to telephone poles. The thing is, people letter them with Magic Markers on tagboard, and they look great at the kitchen table, but when folks are whizzing by in their driving machines, the skinny writing might not show up all that well.
And yard sales are one thing, but lately I see homemade signs that say things like LEROY BUYS HOUSES 443 555 3827.
Really? You would call the number on a sign you saw that someone made in their kitchen and then tacked up on the pole down by the intersection and allow Leroy to purchase your house, thereby relieving you of that pesky underwater mortgage and giving you ready bucks to spend on who knows what-all?
My advice, for what it's worth ($0.00): remember to use a thick magic marker for making your own signs, and if you read homemade signs from Leroy, you might want to forget what you read!